Radical Hope

Great Book? No, Great God!

2009-03-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

A family member passed a note along to me after having given her neighbor a copy of When God Breaks Your Heart.

It’s always humbling to hear how God is using the book to minister to hurting people. But in this particular case, God didn’t just humble me, He vividly reminded me what an incredible God we serve. I think the book is good and I tried to write it with all my skill and passion. However, the more reports I receive from people in pain who were helped by the book, the more I'm convinced that it's not the greatness of my book but the greatness of my God that is making the difference.

Read these moving words from this mom who had just lost her young daughter to cancer: “I couldn't put the book down, I read it over the weekend - even though my tears. I'll tell you more about it when I see you, but for now - thank you! This book is incredibly beautiful, gut-wrenching, inspiring and raw all wrapped up in one. I loved it and wish there were more books that so perfectly speak to my heart.”

A Dangerous Prayer

2009-03-24T14:38:00.000-07:00

Today is the second day of the Haven Today broadcast -- you can catch part two of the interview with Judy and me on KKLA 99.5 here in Los Angeles tonight at 9:30PM or go to www.haventoday.org to download both day's programs.

If you have a minute though right now, our friend Charles posted a You Tube video which I invite you to watch . . . it's short, straight-to-the-point and depicts a very signficant moment in my life: http://www.haventoday.org/video-ed-underwood-gd-399.html

Encourage a Broken Heart Today

2009-03-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

If you have never asked this question, someday you will: "Why is God letting this happen to me?" There is perhaps no greater challenge to our faith than personal suffering and yet it is by such suffering that Christians can find, in the end, that Jesus is with them.

That’s the lead-in from my friend Charles Morris of Haven Today as he shares with listeners about our upcoming program. Next Monday and Tuesday (March 23rd and 24th), Haven Today will broadcast the program Judy and I recorded last month. Go to: http://www.haventoday.org/radio-stations.php to find a radio station in your area or to download the Podcast.

If someone in your life is struggling with a “why” situation right now, I encourage you to invite them to visit my Blog, listen to Haven Today and/or to give them a copy of my book, When God Breaks Your Heart. But most of all, pray for them (right now!) and let them know you did! You may be the person in their life whom God uses to remind them that they are not alone--the person to remind them that Jesus is near to the broken-hearted.

The Star of "When God Breaks Your Heart"

2009-03-09T14:12:00.000-07:00

When the pastor who married us thirty-eight years ago read When God Breaks Your Heart, he called me with this summary insight: Ed, this is a very moving book. But the star of the book isn't you; it's Judy!

I couldn't agree more. She's not only the star of the book; she's the star of my life.

And being the star of my life isn't easy for a girl from Bakersfield who hates to fly and feels uncomfortable in front of big crowds. Our life together has forced her out of her comfort zone many times--trips to missions stations in the bush of Africa, the jungle of Thailand, the streets of Hanoi, Singapore, Nairobi, and Amsterdam, or spontaneous invitations to "join Ed" up front at a conference or big event.

Recently though, I asked her to do something we'd never done together--be interviewed for national radio! What a privilege to sit next to her in the recording studio of our good friends at Ambassador Advertising where we were interviewed by Charles Morris, speaker of "Haven Today" (and also a good friend to Judy and I). Even I have to admit to being a little nervous...it's not always easy sharing vulnerably about your life knowing that thousands will end up listening...yet we're so thankful for the opportunity to share the message of our book, When God Breaks Your Heart. We're passionately committed to seeing God use it to reach broken hearts, and looking forward to hearing how He will use the radio broadcast to comfort the hurting--especially during these difficult financial days.

Well, I'm happy to admit that the star of my book was the star of the program! (Check back for an update on when the interview will air!)

Here's a picture of the four of us, me, Judy, our friend at Ambassador, Lee Ann Jackson, and of course, Charles Morris.

Still Anonymous

2009-02-13T08:03:00.000-08:00

This blog is to all the "anonymous" readers of When God Breaks Your Heart. Please know that all of your comments are forwarded to my personal email account and I do pray for you. I try to filter the remarks on this blog so your pain isn't becoming a curiosity piece for casual readers. But this blog is the only way I can communicate back to you, to assure you of our prayers, and to let you know someone is listening.

My primary lesson for you is this: God isn't as distant as you think. As you know from reading the book, I believe Jesus' is screaming against your pain as tears flow down His holy face.

Trying to be as much a part of your life as a blog allows,

Ed

Not Anonymous!

2009-01-27T15:21:00.000-08:00

A very real dynamic in writing a book on suffering is that my heart hurts for so many who write me about their hopeless situations and deep pain. One recent comment is signed simply, Anonymous:

"I've read your book. I believe in Jesus. I've been depressed all my life. Sometimes I'm better, but usually I'm not. Right now, I'm not okay. I keep thinking about you saying that thinking about your grandson kept you from taking your life. But that's not making a difference for me. Nothing's making a difference for me. Not my family. Not my friends. Not God. I don't know how to pray anymore. I just don't care anymore. I'm old and tired and broken an unable to do or be anything for God. I've been fighting a long time and I'm weary. But perhaps there's still a thin strand of hope somewhere."

My reply is a message to every hopeless heart who feels "anonymous." Anonymous is an adjective that means "without any name acknowledged, of unknown name, lacking individuality, unique character, or distinction." When we claim it as a noun, even our title, it screams loneliness and despair.

Here's what I want to say to this dear, suffering one who feels so anonymous: You may be anonymous to me and feel anonymous to everyone on earth, but you are not anonymous to God. You are not lacking individuality in His eyes; you're as special as you can be. You are not without unique character to Him; He broke the mold after He made you--He only wants one you. He distinguishes you from all others and never misses an event in your life or a thought in your mind. He loves you so much that He sent His Son to die in your place.

Are you feeling "Anonymous" today? Draw near to the God who loves you and tell Him, "Ed says I'm special. Please help me believe that today."

God bless you, Mr. or Mrs. Anonymous. And may His grace and mercy touch your life in ways that will remind you of His love and compassion for brokenhearted people just like you.

Inauguration Day and the Bible

2009-01-20T16:06:00.000-08:00

If my audience were elitist media types and political liberals, I would tell them honestly that there are some things about them that bother me.

It bothers me that they openly begrudged George W. Bush being in the White House and, in my opinion, treated him unfairly. But they just can't seem to gush over Barack Obama enough. I wonder if the press will hold him accountable for questionable decisions and failed policies.
It bothers me that they view Obama's commendable commitment to the poor and powerless as comprehensive. But they just can't admit that the most powerless beings in America--babies in the womb--are being slaughtered in the name of personal freedom on a scale the world hasn't seen since the holocaust.
It bothers me, as the father of a soldier who fought and lost friends in Iraq, that so many of our new president's powerful friends are expecting him to just pull out of this war.
It bothers me that this admittedly great man and seemingly sincere leader is viewed as the savior of America. I already have one, a Savior that is. His name is Jesus.

But I doubt if Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Streisand, or Chris Matthews are reading this blog.

Since my readers are mostly conservative Christians who probably didn't vote for Barack Obama, I have to say to my friends that there are some things about us that bother me.

It bothers me that so many of us seem to have conveniently forgotten that Romans 13:1 says clearly that every Christian should be subject to governing authorities because "the authorities that exist are appointed by God." Once he takes the oath, Barack Obama is our President and we are commanded by God to submit to him. 1 Timothy 2:1-4 tells us plainly that we should pray for President Obams.
It bothers me that so many of us are wringing our hands and giving up on America. Our responsibility to be salt and light has nothing to do with who's in office (Matthew 5:13-16).
It bothers me that so many of us can't see how an African American President brings hope to cultures whose collective memories always felt left out of the American dream.

It's time for us to be good sports, good Americans, and, most importantly, good Christians. Our hope isn't in America; it's in Jesus Christ. Our Kingdom isn't crumbling all around us; it's waiting to be established. And our King isn't deposed; He's still on the throne and He's coming for us...soon, and very soon.

I determine before God to support President Obama, to pray for him, and to keep my negative mouth shut. I also determine before God to stand for righteousness (including marriage and family!), for the rights of the powerless (including the unborn!), and to throw myself into building the only hope for America--the church of the Lord Jesus Christ.

"You say rightly that I am a king. For this cause I was born, and for this cause I have come into the world, that I should bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth hears My voice." --Jesus Christ before Pilate, John 18:37

We're Best Pals

2009-01-12T08:19:00.000-08:00

After I finished my book, When God Breaks Your Heart, detailing my journey of faith living with a deadly disease, I thought I had said it all.

I'm discovering that there are days I just have to tell you one more thing. Today is one of those days.

It was April in 2000 when I wrote this desperate prayer and accompanying plea from Scripture in my journal:

Father, please give me ministry in my grandchildren's lives. "Let Your work appear to Your servants, and Your glory to their children" (Psalm 90:16).

If you knew me back then or you've read the book, you know how bold that request was. I had nearly died in March and had not improved much since. The doctors were suspecting lymphoma, and following test after test, what they called my "numbers" refused to turn around.

I remember the day I wrote those sentences in my blood-stained journal vividly. Tears flowed as I begged God to let me have some influence in my grandchildren's lives. Back then I was only thinking of two--Jackson and Megan.

I'm writing these words from my son's home in Atlanta, where we just greeted Amelia Joy,who joins Jackson, Megan, Camryn, Mary, and Wyatt. Grandchild number 7--Zachary James--is scheduled to show up this Spring.

Last Saturday, the 10th of January 2009, I spent the day with Amelia's older sister and brother, Mary and Wyatt. I watched Mary's skating lessons and Wyatt's hockey practice. I was vaguely aware of some other children on the ice, but my heart glued my attention to one little twirling princess and one little bruiser in pads.

On the way home, Wyatt put his little arms around my neck and shouted, "We're best pals!"

The Spirit reminded me one more time of the power of prayer and the comfort of being loved by a God who is perfectly reliable and strong.

I don't know what's breaking your heart today, but I suspect something is.

God knows, and He loves it when you ask Him for big things. You never know, He might just say yes.

Just like He did for me.

Thank you, Father, for hearing my desperate prayer. And for that almost-nine-years-later reminder from a blue-eyed little hockey star that You, not my doctors, number my days.

Let God In

2008-12-23T19:51:00.000-08:00

When your Christmas doesn't look the same because your heart is broken, there are five steps I believe will help you take Christ's hand. Two we've already seen:

Let it hurt.

Let your feelings go.

The third is, Let God In. One of the most serious misconceptions about God is that we need to somehow clean up our life--our questions, doubts, fears, and objections--before including Him in the process. This sure isn't the picture of God His Son, Jesus Christ, gave us in the Gospels! Jesus loves moving into hopeless situations while they're still messy and confusing. The sooner you invite Jesus into the process, the better. He is always waiting for access to every part of your life--even your Christmas disappointments and pain. The New Testament says that He constantly knocks on the door of our heart asking for permission to enter and make everything better.

Is Your Heart Broken This Christmas? Let Your Feelings Go

2008-12-22T13:49:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to help those of you who feel like the hole in your heart this Christmas will never mend. My worldview is that though there are no perfect Christmases because change and the pain that comes with it is inevitable, there is a perfect and unchanging Savior--Jesus Christ, God's Son (Hebrews 13:5).

Yesterday I shared the first step to help you connect or reconnect to Him, take His hand, and walk through these painful days with Him: Let it hurt.

The second step is, Let your feelings go! I wasted a lot of time trying to impress everyone with my capacity to control my emotions the first Christmas after my lymphoma diagnosis. What I didn't know was that time wasn't the only thing being wasted. All that work to suppress what was going on inside of me was wasting me away. When I finally began admitting and expressing the hurt to myself and those closest to me, a heavy burden lifted from my life. The explosion of feelings might scare you, but it's better to explode on the outside than on the inside...even during Christmas.

Is Your Heart Broken This Christmas? Let it Hurt.

2008-12-21T08:49:00.000-08:00

Christmases will come and go; life changes. Trust me, I know. But I also know that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:5).

In these last days before Christmas, I want to show you five steps that have helped me remember His promises, especially during the holidays. I believe they will walk you along the path of connecting or reconnecting to the One who restored my heart and gives me hope this Christmas--Jesus Christ, God's Son.

1) Let it hurt. The first mistake most of us make is thinking that if I can just keep it from hurting, it won't. You probably already know that this is futile, but the holidays make us desperate for control. If you try to deny your pain this Christmas, the time will come when the grief of your tragedy or disappointment will wash over your life and you will feel truly hopeless and alone. Though this is a desperate feeling, it's the only starting point toward hope.

Christmas Will Never Be the Same

2008-12-20T17:20:00.000-08:00

Four days before Christmas, 2001. I should be talking with my son and his wife about their life, their dreams, and the joy of the holidays. That's what we usually do when they fly home from their military duty station from somewhere in the world. Any other year our conversation this morning would revolve around the soon arrival of his sister's family from Oregon and how great it's going to be to spend Christmas just being together with the extended family

But not this year.

This is my first Christmas as the dad and grandpa formerly known as myself. This Christmas, all we're talking about is my deadly disease--my rash, the test results, the next specialist, what we're discovering on the Web about chronic lymphoma, and the gloomy prognosis. I'm sick of talking about me and this disease. And it feels like Christmas will never be the same.

Because it won't. Unless God heals me, life has ruled out that option of normalcy for our family.

This blog caught your attention because you know that Christmas for you or someone you love will never be the same...after the divorce, after you buried the one it feels like you can't live without, after you lost your job, after your child ran away.

I know that living with hope in your heart through the holidays is tough. It's been over eight years since my initial diagnosis. Sometimes I still feel like giving there are nights when the physical and emotional tolls of my cancer break my heart a little more and make it hard for me to even think about getting up to face another day...especially during Christmas.

I don't know all of the pain of your personal life and why you dread Christmas this year, but I do know some of it. I wrote a book--When God Breaks Your Heart--to help you see how God's love for you can define your life, even when your heart is broken.

Christmases will come and go; life changes. Trust me, I know. But I also know that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13;5).

Over the days until Christmas, I want to share the five steps that helped me remember His promises, especially during the holidays. I believe they will walk you along your path of connecting or reconnecting to the One who restored my heart and gives me hope this Christmas--Jesus Christ, God's Son.

Choosing Hope Small Group

2008-12-08T15:09:00.000-08:00

One of the best ways to process the message of When God Breaks Your Heart is in a small group. There's something about a gathering of trusted friends in a home or over a meal that promotes healing.

But brace yourself. I'm not saying it will be easier for you; I'm saying it will help you more. There's nothing easy about dealing with the hurts of life this book deals with.

A pastor struggling with the deep emotional and spiritual pain of betrayal and abandonment meets every Sunday afternoon with a few couples. His wife reports that it's extremely painful as they pray and talk through the pages of the book...but when the words of the book mix with the love and encouragement of friends, they find hope.

If you would like to know more about how to start a Choosing Hope group in your home, let me know.

2008-10-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

THE SHACK

A pastor friend called after reading my book and said, "Wow, Ed. Have you read The Shack? Your saying the same thing from two different perspectives. The Shack speaks to the deepest hurts of life through fiction, and your book tells your story from the perspective of John 11. It would make a great follow-up for people who wanted to know if there was somewhere specifically in the Bible they could turn to."

I love the comparison, and I have read The Shack. I enjoyed it immensely as fictional literature, and I do believe that the same hurting heart who draws nearer to God through The Shack would find When God Breaks Your Heart helpful.

The subtitles of the books tell me that we're both trying to connect broken hearts to God: The Shack, Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity, and When God Breaks Your Heart, Choosing Hope In The Midst of Faith-Shattering Circumstances. The difference, of course, is that the stories in The Shack come from the creative mind of William Young and the stories in When God Breaks Your Heart come from my personal story and the story of Mary and Martha.

So, if you enjoyed The Shack, I think you'll like the raw honesty of When God Breaks Your Heart.

First Review

2008-09-29T11:16:00.000-07:00

The first review of my book is in, but it's pretty humbling. It comes from two very special girls in my life--granddaughters Megan and Cam. Their mom,and my daughter, Aimee, writes:

So the girls saw it on the kitchen counter and were looking at the book today. And Meg said, "who's it dedicated to?" So I showed her the dedication page. She read and thought it was "cool" with the "should, could, would" part--then the absolute glee in her voice as she said, "PAPA KNOWS DAVID COOK?!" and Cam ran over to see for herself, and indeed, there it was, in black and white--you had thanked David Cook! I regretfully told them that this was, alas, not the David Cook from American Idol, and Megan's next words were priceless: "but it's still really cool that Papa wrote a book." Out of the mouths of babes.

Well, it's not a bad review. It's just that I'm not as cool a grandpa as they first imagined.

Choosing Hope

2008-09-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

Since this is my first book, first blog, and first time having a chronic disease, I want to make sure that no one navigating to this site would think I don't care.

If you or someone you love is facing your darkest days and nights, this is the blog you were looking for.

If you've read my book, When God Breaks Your Heart, you're here because you have asked God to give you hope.

All I can say to you is that I want to be a part of that process. I don't have to be, but I'm willing. If not for Jesus and His people, I wouldn't be here today. I'm asking Him to use this blog to connect or reconnect broken hearts to Him.